• Eli Osei

Back In My Day - Eli Osei


NB: This is completely satirical and does not express the actual, real-life, personal, existent views of the writer.



Back in my day (circa twenty thirty-thray):


Now come on kids, it’s time for bed

“Will you tell us a story?”

How about a memory instead?

“Fine..” 

“Okay…”

“Hurry up dad, or we won’t let you stay!”

This memory’s so brilliant, I should make you pay

“Shut up Pa, actually go away”

That’s alright, you can hear it for free

“Ohhh, we’re so excited” “Yaay”

“Whoopee!”

Just lie down, close your eyes and listen to me



“Hey dad, are there dragons in this memory?”

“Or maybe a snake”

No no but there’s lots of news, some real, most fake

“Go on, go on we’re waiting for you.”

Well kids, this one’s about the Chinese Flu

“Oh my word”

“I must have misheard”

It started with a bat or maybe a bird

“Dad, stop, that was totally racist” 

Honey, I’m famous, my life’s an oasis

“Woah, big deal you’re on the youtube A-list”

My word, I hope you’re finished being rude

“My word, I hope you’re done being crude”

“Dad, restart and try to be pc”

Okay, okay anything for you, sweetie


Well kids, this one’s about Covid-19

The virus that came about relatively unseen

Sarah, there’s no need to yawn

Your dad saved the world before you were born. 

“Woah! Did you go to war like grandma?”

No, but when I went to Woolworths I wore a balaclava 

“What?”

“Huh?”

Need I say more?

I saved the world by wrapping up at the store?

“Holy crap, is that all you did?”

Cut me some slack, I was only a kid

“So the world was ending?”

“And you were spending?”

Hey sanctimonious club, is my membership pending?


“Dad, no offense, but you don’t sound like a hero”

“If we were to add up what you did, we’d get…”

“Zero”

Oh wow! And you kids are so great?

Well if we were there we probably would have done a bit more, mate.

I’m your father, have some respect! “Oh dad, we’re sorry”

“You national hero!”

“You virus vet!”


That’s it, I’m done with you two

“Oh come on pa, what did we do”

….

Nothing 

“Ha”

“Haha”

Just like— you.



  • White Twitter Icon
  • White Instagram Icon