- contributor
Imbi Lendawo - Kgositsile Mashugane
I was 12 years old the first time I saw the world.
I wish I could tell you how I consciously investigated my surroundings and looked
But to be honest with you my eyes were closed shut and I had no intention of ever taking a peak.
I was lost in the dark with this unidentifiable pain in my heart and when I look back I realise that I didn’t even know that my eyes were closed,
I lived life assuming that the rest of the world was seeing the world through my eyes.
The same eyes that refused to peak.
You see I was blindfolded by this idea of a rainbow nation
So even if my eyes were open I couldn’t see
And just like me
Misguided by this democratic delusion,
An entire generation leaves behind their history and sincerely we believe that a child of melanin could be born free
But I couldn’t see
I was 12 years old when I first saw the world
And I didn’t like what I could see.
Layer by layer was the rainbow nation striped from my eyes
And like a torch reality shone in my face,
I was no longer blind,
I could see.
No I was forced to see,
By little Johnny and his mother
To this day I can feel the chips of the concrete paving beneath my feet,
A cool breeze between my toes.
I can still taste the salt of my tears as they trickle down the side of my face,
I can still hear the croak in my voice as I whisper through the phone
"mama badinkile di tlakho tsami."
They’ve taken my boots.
You see little Johnny and I played soccer on the same team
And on the day of a match Johnny lost his boots,
In front of the entire team there I was trembling
By little Johnny's mother I’d been labeled a thief.
I was 12 years old when I first saw the world
When I first realised that no matter how many boys in your team wear the same boots
If Johnny loses his
Only one could’ve taken them because he doesn’t belong.
Preconceived judgements are held due to the complexion of my skin
No matter how many smiles we’ve shared the two of us will never connect,
Separated we are by this melanin.
I was 12 years old when I first saw the world
When ur praises turned to lies
When the rainbow colours began to die
And my eyes now conscientise
I can see
That there’s no rainbow in this nation
No blurred lines
There’s only black then there’s white
I was 12 years old when I first saw the world
When ur words that praise began to hurt
Because I’m expected to accept
And never reject
The praises received from Becky
Aww Kgoshli u speak so well
No
For once let’s get it right
I do not speak well
I just speak white
But in our society what’s the difference
I was 12 years old when I first saw the world
When I realised that imbi lendawo